Love Letter to My Body

“This is adapted from a post I wrote 3 years ago. I will be turning 45 this month and the more time passes, the deeper my love and acceptance for my self, my body, and my children. Happy Mother’s Day to Mothers everywhere <3 ”

One day, draped over me, Max playfully touched my breast, a fading instinct from three years of breastfeeding. He refers to my breasts as mama and me as mom. I pushed his hand away and gave him a stern look. He asked, “Mom, how old are your mamas?” “My mamas,” I replied with a certain nostalgia, “are 42 years old.” He continued, “Mom, “how old is your cheek?” as he brushed his hand against it. “My cheeks are 42 years old.” “Mom, how old are your feet?” “My feet are 42 years old.” “Mom,” now with a giggle, “how old is your butt?” “My butt, is 42 years old.” And on and on to other body parts.

When he left, I felt somehow reunited with my body in a way that I hadn’t before. Like a long devoted lover that I had taken for granted, I had forgotten what we had been through, these 42 years. How she’s always been there for me, serving me, protecting me, keeping me company, communicating to me, allowing me to enjoy life and create and make love and give birth and hug and run and dance and swim. About how she always responded to my true needs. How she made me rest and slow down with illness and how she always recovered and was there for me no matter what abuse I put her through.

To listen deeply to one’s body is like listening to anyone one loves, it is to put one’s own agenda aside. And that is not an easy task. Too often I was deafened by my agendas for what my body is supposed to look like and feel like. How she’s supposed to move through the world. What she’s supposed to withstand without complaining and how she’s supposed to perform. With so much agenda, it was difficult to hear what my body was actually feeling, actually communicating to me. When I didn’t listen to my body when she needed rest or nourishment, I ended up in pain and turmoil.

When it is time to lay down and die, my body will tell me to let go. And when that day comes, my wish is that I will continue to love, trust and be in gratitude for her. Even as she seems to be failing, I believe that she knows better than I what is best for me. My body has always told the truth. No matter how I try to hoodwink the world and myself, my body displays plain and simple truths.

I pray that I will listen quietly and surrender. And have the courage let go of the fine companion that has seen me through the trials of this life so that my spirit can finally soar with trust and gratitude. Thank you to the one so close to me I almost forgot her constant presence. And thank you to the silly wise little one who emerged from her to remind me of my mortality.

Love & Community, 

The Healing Power of Writing by Jenna Frisch

““If you can “let go” and tell the truth of what you have experienced or imagined, you can write.” ”

— Pat Schneider, Writing Along and With Others

I write to understand myself. I write to listen to the stories that live within the folds beneath my skin because in telling the stories there is listening. By listening, we bring our process into the light of awareness. Without this awareness and being able to see what lives behind the shadows, without calling it forth, we cannot transform it. With this awareness, we are empowered with the knowledge we need to start healing.

In my bodywork, healing happens when my hands are listening. The body holds physical, mental, emotional and spiritual stories, which I hear when someone is on the table before me. My fingers are antennas that reach out across the landscape of the body feeling for places that need moving, or holding, or filling. Writing is another way we allow these stories to be told. Writing offers awareness of how we take in and hold the world inside. It connects us to ourselves.

Writing can also be a tool through which we connect with others. We can share some part of ourselves with those who will listen. Our words don’t even have to try. They are our gift that reaches out and touches someone, bridging the gap of separation, by making them laugh, or nod in agreement, creating a healing effect. When we write together, it is helpful to have guidelines that build trust and keep us feeling safe, so that our unique voice is honored and our authenticity can shine. To build that safety, I rely upon the Amherst Writers and Artists (AWA) method, which I first encountered with Peggy Simmons of Green Windows. It is based on radical affirmations, such as  “a writer is someone who writes” and the guiding principles of AWA create equality while protecting the author.

The first time I wrote in a space held by the AWA method I saw in myself and others a fury of creative genius. I see it each week I write with the elders at St. Mary’s Homeless Shelter in West Oakland, many of whom have had interrupted education though many are also well educated. And I see the tender way this writing process brings them together in something other than their homelessness. Through this process, we create a bridge where the memoirist and the science fiction author and the first time writer can come together. And this, a coming together, is healing.

Click below to learn more about Jenna's coming workshop on Apr 29 (Saturday) from 3-6pm.

It's all about Pleasure

“You do not have to be good/ You do not have to walkover on your knees /For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting/ You only have to let the soft animal of your body / love what it loves…”

— “Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver

Recently I’ve been talking to my patients about pleasure. The word pleasure triggers a delightful smile…but unfortunately one that fades into embarrassment and discomfort. Pleasure is a complicated topic. It evokes feelings of guilt and resistance and fear of gluttony and hedonism. My patients react with surprise when I suggest that pleasure is a kind of wisdom. The wisdom of the body. If pain is our body’s way of telling us to pay more attention, then pleasure is also an important communication. Pain urges us to interrupt business as usual, slow down, care for and be mindful of our bodies. Pleasure invites us to continue to engage and connect with the wonders of our bodies, to lovingly give our body what it is asking for.  

Pleasure is the enjoyment of the senses: sight, hearing, taste, touch, smell. In Chinese Medicine, our senses are all related to our internal organs and our health. Frequently, when a Chinese herbal formula tastes good to you, it is because it is the medicine (which includes the flavors) that your body needs to regain health. We continue as a species because procreation is pleasurable and having a good sex drive is an indication of robust health. Pleasurable scents, color, and beautiful music are all known to affect our chemistry, stimulating healing.

Sadly, our innate ability to feel pleasure and to trust it as a guiding force is diminishing. As we modernize, we retreat more and more into our minds and inhabit less of our bodies and senses. Much of our day is experienced through a screen where the wisdom of our senses becomes irrelevant. The result is that we become increasingly disconnected from the innate wisdom and the sensual language of our bodies. If we consider ourselves healthy, we use our intellect to prescribe what we think are health promoting diet, exercise and regimens that we superimpose onto our daily living. Pleasure has nothing to do with these prescriptions.If we do not consider ourselves healthy, we feel unable to control our habits, we feel disorderly, undisciplined, out of control and in this scenario if there is any pleasure felt, it is accompanied by guilt. We may even think that our indulgence with pleasure is the problem. In either case, the central and indispensable role of pleasure in guiding us towards a healthier and fuller experience of life is considered off topic or even dangerous.

To experience pleasure fully, we must be willing to be present. We must be willing to embody the wild, irrational landscape of sensations and emotions. We must trust ourselves and find that we are worthy of enjoyment. Pleasure is good. It is aliveness. It is healthy. It is life affirming and self affirming. It is a spontaneous unspoken expression of appreciation, a taking in of our human experience. Pleasure in eating encourages food absorption, pleasure in movement activates endorphins, pleasure in touch releases oxytocin, pleasure in music and beauty soothes our nervous system and stimulates our creative impulses. Pleasure tells a story of who we are and where we come from. Particular tastes in food, beauty, partners, style, music, fragrances celebrates our individualism. When we allow for the full experience of pleasure we are practicing self-love. And health naturally flowers from that.
 
With Pleasure, 

Thuy